I’m certainly not the first woman to do it, nor am I the last. I am one of millions who juggle the role of mama and ___(insert title here)___…

We all feel it… the silent struggle, the never-ending pull of the silent to-do-list that runs through our heads.

No matter what your position is, working another role along with the massive role of Mama is no joke and my hat goes off to all of the women doing it.

This shit is HARD. Especially with little ones. 

My kids ages are now 14, 11, nearly 10, 29 months and 3 months. I am still nursing both of the two littles and the demands of that are draining physically and mentally. Just when I get started with some project I’m working on, I feel like I get called away to nurse again. Yes, whomever is watching the baby at the time, be it the teenage son or the hubs or my mom, could warm up a bottle and do that, but in all honesty, it is just easier for everyone, me included, to just take a break and nurse. I’d have to stop and pump anyway, which I hate, so either way, I’m having to stop and be interrupted. It’s more of a “which way would I like to be interrupted?” that I get to decide.
 

And I do get to decide. I realize that is a privilege. I work from home as an entrepreneur, I make my own hours and work as much (or as little) as I want. Which sounds amazing! And it is. AND… the reality is, my entire schedule is dictated by children and what is going on that day, who has what appointment, or class, etc. I schedule my work and appointments around that. It is a hard way to run a business. I don’t get nearly the amount of time I would like to do my business… And I also realize that this time in their life is very fleeting and goes really, really fast. I’ve been through it before. I blinked and they suddenly were bigger than me and dishing out my witty sarcasm right back at me and they weren’t little babies needing me for their nourishment. It went so fast, yet is still so draining. 

I feel blessed to have gotten what feels like a second chance at parenting littles with my two youngest. This time I am determined to learn the lessons I missed the first time around. I didn’t know how to surrender to the moment, to allow the flow of energy and to not force things into manifestation. I only knew that masculine way of doing things. This time is different. This time, I am learning what the divine feminine feels like, looks like and how to embrace that energy with both the building and growth of my business and the flow of my parenting. This time I am taking breaths BEFORE I HAVE to… I’m taking them because I understand the importance of breath, surrender and just BEING. I am keenly aware of the beauty of just sitting and nursing a baby at my breast. I finally understand that my job and my karmic healing in this life is to truly find balance, harmony, peace in relationship… all relationships.. Even my relationship between my work (which I LOVE doing) and parenting (which I struggle with). 

It doesn’t matter what a mama chooses to do.. Stay home full time with her kiddos, homeschool, send them to school, work full time outside the home, be an entrepreneur and work from home… it really doesn’t matter. This shit is HARD. It’s really hard. Period. And I see you. I see all of you, doing what you can do be a better mama than you think you are. I see you with your shame for being away from them, or the guilt of being with them and not bringing in finances. I see your struggle. You are doing your best… Truely. We all are really. We all are trying to figure out our path in this world and learn how to live in Earth School with the ridiculous financial matrix we are stuck with, a system that sets us up to feel like failures if we don’t achieve some magical status that doesn’t actually exist. We are trying to re-parent ourselves and heal our wounds while raising the next generation for a world that we don’t know what it will look like. 

So, as I sit here, typing this in the corner of a room 25 minutes away from my babies, the milk in my breasts continuing to let down, wondering where the kiddos are to empty them, I wonder how much work I can squeeze in for the next 15 minutes before I must inevitably head home from my weekly “work outside of the house” day to go be mama again. Not knowing when I’ll get to work on my business next… knowing I have to just allow it to flow and unfold in the time I have with the energy I have. Knowing this time will change and pass and they will grow and I’ll still be here working on my business. 

This shit is hard. There is no easy answer. But there is flow. I’m working on flowing with the current of my life and not fighting the energy… I’ve done that before… It doesn’t work well at all!